Journal Entry: Sun Dec 18, 2011, 1:11 AM
So~ My most recent Deviantion is getting a lot of trolls and flaming comments. I'm actually very okay with it though. I don't show full frontal and full nudity for a reason on my DA and that is because I have dignity. I know it sounds funny since I post images of my cleavage now and then, but allow me to explain.
First off you wouldn't see anything much different from a Victoria's Secret model or if you went to the beach. A lot of women - including me at times - curse the fact that they don't have a certain type of body and I've never, ever been one to have that type of body worth showing off. It's how women are wired now and days and it was certainly like that when I was younger. Who's ready to get personal? I am!
When I was younger I would be taken to all sorts of places. McDonalds, Burger King.. My mom had my two other brothers and me to feed and it was easier - and cheaper - to always go and get fast food. As you can imagine it wasn't healthy by any means to grow up eating that stuff all the time and my body really proved it when I was constantly teased and mocked in elementary school and middle school. This then developed me into eating my feelings because eating made me feel happier. When I got into high school I met people who accepted me as me and I met my boyfriend of - if you put all the years together - of 5 years. I didn't understand at the time when I was young that eating like that isn't what pretty was and when I was older I started to finally understand what eating like that does to someone.
I started working out to feel better about myself. My self-esteem was low as fuck as is anyone's who are overweight. It takes a lot of inner strength to look in the mirror and say to yourself that you are beautiful. After working out for a while I could finally look at myself as say that. Even though my boyfriend has been saying that to me for years, I could never see it up until a few years ago. This resulted in me taking photos of my progress and being extremely proud of how far I have come and then I would get complimented on how I looked and it would make me feel so, so beautiful.
But why then post images of my chest on the internet?
As a reminder. You see.. Even though a lot of people - mostly women - bitch and moan about my cleavage on the computer, I am okay with it. These photos are not just for my watchers as a thank you for being so supportive of my cosplay and other art, but also for myself. It allows me to look back at how far I have come body wise and it is a form of motivation for me. Within those bad comments are nice comments. Even though they are about being 'super sexy' or whatever, but even someone saying that I am pretty - or rather my chest is - it makes me want to not lazy about, but instead work out to get to my goal. It isn't to be a size two, but to have a definite defined waist, and other parts of my body to be a bit more toned.
Everyone has their own form of motivation and this is mine. Yeah, yeah. It would be easier to have a folder on my desktop of photos of my naked body, but I have a full length mirror in my room for that. That also motivates me and I also have a book that says how much I've lost in pounds and inches. It's okay to not understand how I take my motoivation into my own hands, but just know that this isn't for pure gratification and have people oggle my boobs. It's far from that.
And for people only commenting on that one photo: Look at the rest of my gallery. There are a bunch of other things besides boob images. I really hardly do images like that. Mostly its been full of cosplay lately because I am really getting into it a lot more now. :3 I have dignity, but I show it in different ways from that of the norm. NOW, if I were a true 'slut' and a 'attention whore', then wouldn't I be posting boob images every other day? I mean.. I know a chick on DA who has huge fake boobs and takes bad, WORSE quality photos than mine, in just tight, tight little shirts every day, but I don't bother with her. I don't call her a whore or say she is slutty. People have different ways of expressing themselves and others need to respect that.
ALSO THIS IS WHAT I WROTE TO SOMEONE IN A NOTE RECENTLY:
Cosplay. A lot of photos in this gallery are cosplay. Sorry that they are my cosplays are not amazing quality of that of other people's cosplays. I do say on the front of my page that I am, indeed, narcissistic, but that comes from several years of being teased non-stop by bratty private school children which you probably would never understand. When I started losing weight I became more confident in myself and I got a boyfriend. I didn't catch him by showing off my tits or anything. I ended up with him because of our similar interests in cosplay and video games and other nerdy activities. He does not have a problem with me showing off my boobs - and mind you I don't just flash my tits around and this image is also not flashing my tits around. Think of it as a reverse bikini top. I am not showing anymore skin than what you would see a girl wearing in a bikini. The top and bottom of boobs pretty much look the same unless you know exactly what direction you are looking in - meaning up or down. This is also not a plea for attention. I know countless girls who take shots of their asses and post them all over facebook. That is attention seeking. This photo was a thank you - in a way - to my viewers. This isn't a ploy to gain more. I also find it hilarious how most people who flame my photos of my chest or talk about how awful my picture quality is on some photos is mostly from girls.
Now, if you do not want to see my boobs then do not look at them, but if you really have a problem with stuff like this then more along to a beach and call the police for the plethora of indecent exposure.
If anyone wants to try and pick at my brain like so many self proclaimed - it seems - psychology majors are here on DA who say that this is for attention, then please do attempt. Send me a note, but I've already stated what I wanted.
Listening to: Miku Stuff
Watching: Property Brothers HGTV
Eating: Hot, potatoe soup.
Drinking: Orange Juice